The Top 10 Funny Valentine’s Cards: Love At First Laugh

Funny Valentine’s cards are a great way to kick off your day of romance with a helping hand of levity. After all, a declaration of love is only as good as the smile it receives in return.

Often the question arises of what to write in a Valentine’s card. We think and we think, but the words just get jumbled up.

Well, if you don’t fancy yourself a poet of the soul, comedy is an easy way to steal your loved one’s heart — and potentially their breath as they laugh hysterically on the ground.

1. I Love You More Than A Vegan Sausage Roll
2. I’ll Hammer You Tonight
3. Penne Ting
4. Sexy Hand Gesture
5. I’d Run Through A Field Of Wheat With You
6. Solid 6/10
7. I Will Share My Chicken Nuggets With You
8. Someday I Hope To Be Your Emergency Contact
9. Drunken Mistake
10. Only With You For The Present

1. 

   I Love You More Than A Vegan Sausage Roll

   When the Greggs vegan sausage role landed, it bypassed our stomachs and went straight to our hearts. Not only did it look delicious on the outside, it had so much soul lying within.

   Sound familiar? Well, it should.

   The vegan sausage roll is the ultimate metaphor for unconditional love. That’s why you know you’ve found the one when your precious pastries take a backseat.

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2. 

   I'll Hammer You Tonight

   The hammerhead shark is a wonder of nature, with one of the most unique head shapes in the fish kingdom.

   And as every marine biologist knows, this evolutionary trait allows our sea-dwelling friends to locate their prey — just like you’ve found your one true love.

   Awww, how adorable! We don’t even know how this fits the funny Valentine’s cards list.

   Oh, wait a minute… Now we get it.

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3. 

   Penne Ting

   We don’t know about you, but when we set our standards for a partner, we like to rate them on a weighing scale of ‘tortellini not’ to ‘penne ting’.

   And when you’ve got a ‘penne ting’, we say it’s time for a carb load!

   Pasta for two, indeed.

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4. 

   Sexy Hand Gesture

   When words just aren’t good enough, nothing beats an explicit gesture.

   While we’re not sure this one quite makes it into the sign language dictionary, the message is very much universal.

   Maybe keep this one on the down low when out in public though, eh?

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5. 

   I'd Run Through A Field Of Wheat With You

   If anyone knows how to live dangerously, it’s our dear old ex-PM Theresa May. In a classic dose of political satire, it’s time to abandon all morals and get naughty with your partner.

   Get your head out of the gutter; we’re talking about running through a field of wheat, of course!

   But watch out! Those farmers are going to be so displeased. If there’s a worse crime, Theresa can’t think of one.

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6. 

   Solid 6/10

   Now, while this is intended to be one of the funny Valentine’s cards, plenty can still go wrong. We recommend only picking this one up if your partner can take a joke – and we mean really take a joke.

   And why is that, you ask? Because you’re about to call them a ‘solid 6/10’.

   When words fail to quantify their beauty, you best hope the number lingers somewhere between ten and… well, ten. That means you’re a ‘solid’ four numbers too low.

   We salute your bravery and wish you luck… and also a fast ambulance.

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7. 

   I Will Share My Chicken Nuggets With You

   Just because they’re funny Valentine’s cards doesn’t mean they can’t be adorable as heck. And by all accounts, this one ticks both boxes.

   Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sharing the most precious resource known to mankind: the chicken nugget. It’s like giving up a piece of your soul and watching it get slowly digested.

   Even if the words ‘I will share my chicken nuggets’ never actually leave your lips, this is a meaningful gesture nonetheless.

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8. 

   Someday I Hope To Be Your Emergency Contact

   The emergency contact position is a prestigious role in someone’s life. It is the ultimate show of trust. When worst comes to worst, they want you to be there.

   Perhaps this isn’t the most ‘laugh out loud’ of the funny Valentine’s cards, but comedy is first found in the heart. And if they’re not laughing, they’re bawling out tears of love – either works, right?

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9. 

   Drunken Mistake

   If you met your partner on a drunken night out, we’ve no doubt the topic of how you got together is a tricky obstacle to navigate – elaborate bluffs are hard to come up with on the spot.

   But hey, what’s love if not unpredictable?

   Make light of it with a selection of sarcastic, funny Valentine’s cards, showing how you’re in it for the long haul.

   Then have a few drinks to recapture the magic of that fateful day.

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10. 

    Only With You For The Present

    The topic of Valentine’s Day presents tends to cause more stress than it does excitement. So why not turn the tables and make it all about you? For comedic purposes, of course.

    However, we don’t recommend neglecting your gifting duties in the spirit of a good joke. That’s a sure-fire way to guarantee there’s no present waiting for you next year.

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