Charlie Brooker, one of IWOOT’s favourite writers, has highlighted a particularly thorny issue in his latest piece for The Guardian – that of the seemingly eternal dichotomy between Apple and Windows operating systems. Eloquently and with not a little vitriol, Brooker lambastes both sides. Apple users, he argues, are smug, while Windows users are doomed to a life spent waiting for applications to open.

For me, this is an issue that is governed by something else. No matter the incredible ease of the Mac OS, I can’t afford one. Not by choice, but by force I have to side with Windows and their terrifyingly slow Vista OS. My last laptop cost me £249 and, though I thoroughly hate the thing, I would be lost without it. All my work, my photos, my iTunes library (my one Apple luxury) and near-enough anything that’s important is on there – it just takes me a couple of hours to access it. No joke – I was sitting in a North London café on Saturday afternoon (sipping a particularly rich Americano, if you’re interested) and making use of their free wi-fi, and my wretched little box took 11 whole minutes to get used to its surroundings, get comfy, pull itself together and be ready to connect. The poor waitress with the network key was forced to be very patient. I suspect she wanted to pour my particularly rich Americano all over its stupid keys.


I agree with Brooker when he says that these Apple acolytes are so very obsessed with spreading the good word, and I know that I can’t join them unless I seriously save up for it. I too feel a little pang of incandescent rage when I see someone using a Mac Book or an iPhone – not because I detest the way in which their owners seem to luxuriate in the glow of being correct (maybe a little…), but because I want to be one of them.

JimboWoot even let me touch his iPhone the other day. It was pretty magical. It’s not that I needed converting, but I know I can’t spend my life resisting the urge to despatch strong coffee all over my Vista screen in the same way you would a cuckolding partner. Might be time to open a savings account…

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