I love Japan. So much so, me and Mrs Woot spent our honeymoon over there, scouring the electronic shops for weird and wacky gadgets. If only we’d come across this little diamond!

I would literally sell a kidney for a dog translator that worked – I don’t have a dog, but if I ever meet one on the street I’d like to be able to tell if they were mocking me. You have to watch those animals – they’re all waggy tail and pleased to see you one instant, and the next they’re down the park with their mates talking about that prat they met outside the supermarket. I just like to know where I stand before I scratch somebody behind the ear (which is a maxim to live by if ever I’ve written one).

Unfortunately Takara Tomy have no intention of releasing an English version of the translator so I will spending the best part of the next 8 months learning Japanese so I can finally put my ludicrous paranoia to rest and arm myself with some choice doggy quips for the next Alsatian who dares to shoot me a condescending look.


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